Mailbag!

Many of you loyal readers have started submitting questions about your own allergies to cats. I'm no medical doctor, but I know cats, and therefore feel qualified to dispense objective and legitimate advice about these foul abominations.

Question 1: How can I get rid of my cat allergies?
Answer 1: YOU ARE DOOMED!!!

That's all the time we have for mailbag today. In closing, I'd like to advise people not to mentally picture the sound of a cat in their heads. One time I did so, and the meowing of the cat quickly turned into the gurgle of blood flowing out of my ears.